


The Darkness

by zoestorms



Category: Phan, dan and phil
Genre: Depression, M/M, tw depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4615341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoestorms/pseuds/zoestorms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TW Depression</p>
<p>Based on all time low's song 'the edge of tonight', Dan Howell is a depressed boy who only feels safe around Phil. He knows Phil will protect him from the darkness which seeks to crush him, and the police brutality which he can never escape.<br/>Remember, it's about the Morse code.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Darkness

Dan glared at the traffic light which glowed red under the sunset. The traffic lights, did they want to speak with him through code? Either way, he was fucking pissed. He had got home just to find graffiti covering his front door and an egg smashed on his glass windows.  
The colours blinked from red to green.   
Just after his car finally began to shift forward, the light changed again. At least now he was the first one in line.  
He watched the colours change, green to amber to red. 3 shifts in colours, 3 words.  
···---···  
Dan had to get to Phil, the one person who kept him sane in the dark, on the edge of tonight.  
Tonight- tonight meant the bottomless expanse of black, of darkness. Dan was terrified of what this blackness wanted to take from him. Who now? His only loved one, who’s hair was the same shade of this dark, but eyes the same colour of the sky? The one who kept him honest and alive?   
He knew what this darkness threatened to take from him, it was something he could never escape from. It was already dark enough in the day, but at night it felt as if hell was crawling over his cold and shivering body.   
His indicator flashed four times, his eyes blinded by tears. It probably wasn’t safe to drive, not in his state, but who cared? The only person who might shed a single tear would be the boy who never looked at Dan the same way Dan looked at him.  
Phil.  
His indicator flashed another four times, another four letters.  
.... . .-.. .--.  
He glanced in his rear view mirror and caught the first glimpse of night, not a star to be seen. The only star he could ever hope of seeing one last time would be Phil, an actual sun. The only source of heat and light to illuminate the darkness of Dan’s world would be Phil, his clean white teeth which he shows in his grins like snow, though his breath warm, with the colour of the sky over a forest depicted in his eyes.  
The only forest he’d ever get lost in.  
Upon reaching Phil’s door, he rapped a sharp 10 times, 10 times to represent four letters.  
... .- ...- .  
Maybe he was communicating using Morse code. That wouldn’t have been the weirdest thing Dan did.  
Phil opened the door in a flash, he too understood Morse code, and he clearly figured it was spelling save.   
“Why are you here? Are you alright, Dan?” Phil breathed. “Quickly, get in the house now. We do not want anyone to spot you. Not now- not at this time of day.” He glanced up nervously at the sky, only a few streaks of orange present in the endless void of black. Not a star, there never were stars anymore. He knew Dan was battling depression, and that he always had been since he was 13. The night sky only seemed to make it worse. A world so dark that the sun had no warmth and the flowers no scent. A world so void of colour that grass was just another thing and the trees another menace. The night sky just seemed to make it darker. Phil scanned the street for any passer-by’s or on looking neighbours and swiftly shut the door, bolting it shut.  
“You shouldn’t have come,” Phil said. “It’s past curfew, you could have gotten shot.” He placed a mug of hot chocolate in Dan’s hands, hoping the warmth will warm his cold body ever so slightly. “Now speak. Why are you here? Why’d you come back?”  
“Trees.”  
“Pardon? Trees?”  
“Trees. When I was young I used to climb them. I used to drink hot chocolate. This is my first cup in three years. Trees. I want them to mean something Phil. I want to know that collecting Pokemon cards, catching my first Muse concert, climbing trees and drinking hot cocoa all had a purpose.  
I want to know that I did not waste my childhood, like how I’m wasting my life now.  
I want. No I need to know that everything I did served a purpose in my life. I want it to mean something.”  
“Of course there was meaning, Dan. Climbing trees taught you how to climb out of difficulties, how that the smallest branches, tough weak and flimsy were the hardest to break. Hot cocoa breathed to you about the importance of warmth. The Muse concert told you that dreams do come true, no matter how hopeless it seemed. Pokemon whispered to you about fun.”  
“Why did I end up like this, Phil? Why, why? Why am I so afraid of the dark? Why am I so… cold? Why am I always so lonely? Why is it that I always come home to find graffiti on my door? I hate it. I hate me. I hate myself. I hate this miserable, wretched society. I hate how sad I always am. But in this hole, there are no roots. Just the crumbling of soil if I touch the walls that threatens to bury me. Maybe I am buried already, who knows? I don’t even know who I fucking am anymore. Why is there no more warmth left in this world? I can see the liquid steaming but I cannot feel the heat. Am I made out of wood, Phil? The only warmth I feel in this lonely place is your fingertips. The only sky is your eyes. The only snow is your smile.   
But you- you could never like someone like me who’s a hopeless case back, could you? It is not in your heart, just like how it isn’t in everyone else. No one can find it in them.” Dan could feel the tears spilling, rolling and falling. He could feel it.  
Phil stared at this broken figure beneath him. He raised his hand tentatively and wiped away a tear. The warmth surprised Dan. He had gone so long feeling cold, he forgot how heat was supposed to feel like.  
“Dan. Dan I think I’ve made something quite clear. I am not like the others and I’ll always find it in me to love you. Always.”  
“Yeah?” Phil could hear Dan’s smile and he wondered how long it had been since he last smiled.  
“Yeah. Always.” He wrapped his hand around Dan’s, emitting his warmth into Dan and absorbing Dan’s freezing ones.  
He wanted Dan to feel warm again.   
Dan tapped rhythmically against the floor.   
.. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..-

I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> The Morse Code:   
> SOS  
> HELP  
> SAVE  
> I love you


End file.
